Top 33 important stuff nobody ever told you

Here’s a long and exhaustive (but not complete) list of some of the important stuff nobody ever told me (and that I later wished they had), in completely random order, provided for absolutely no reason at all:

1: Get there early. However early you were planning to get there, get there a half hour before that.

2: Take toilet paper.

3: Speaking of which - get to the bathrooms/porta-a-potties early.

4: Start farther back in the pack than you think you need to (especially if they're using chip timing).

5: If you care about your time, wear a watch, and time yourself. Remember to hit it once you reach the start, and when you cross the end.

6: If you do wear a watch, make sure you're not looking down at it when you cross the finish line.

7: In case the above wasn't clear enough - start slow.

8: If there's a timing chip, secure it as much as you want. Plenty of loops.

9: Run a warm-up mile or two.

10: While you're warming up - since you have plenty of time - play around with where you like to wear your race bib (the number they give you).

11: At the water stops, head for the last cups not the first – and if you’re walking while you drink, get over to the right before you start.

12: Walk while you drink.

13: Ditto to the above if you are intentionally taking walking breaks.

14: If you listen to your iPod, keep it low enough so you can hear what’s going on around you.

15: Figure out a good running “play list” for your iPod and use it.

16: If somebody else breaks rule 14, elbow them sharply if they won’t get out of your way

17: Don’t listen to your iPod. Or at least consider not listening to it.

18: Do nothing new on race day.

19: Don’t eat too much on race morning.

20: Bring some warm clothes you can strip off right before the race and put back on right after the race.

21: Bring a crew. Which usually means a spouse. Or a kid. Or a pal. Dogs are nice, but not as helpful.

22: If you take your cell phone with you on the race, people like me will be laughing at you.

23: If you have no crew (that’s your hubby), and no clue what you’re doing with extra stuff, either take cheap stuff, or at least put your name in it somewhere.

24: Do not wear the t-shirt you just got at registration. Don’t do it. Just say no.

25: Under dress on cold days. No, don’t be semi-nude – but be cold at the starting line.

26: Bring beer.

27: Bring me a beer.

28. Have fun but run hard. It’s a race. Make it hurt.

29: Try and go easy in the first half and run hard in the second.

30: Even if you walked and jogged the whole way, sprint the last 100 yards. Why? Cuz it’s fun.

31: If the event is big enough for spectators, wear something with your name on your shirt, in very big letters.

32: At the start of the race, if they’re organized enough to have a color guard and somebody sing the national anthem, stand still for a minute and enjoy the morning.

33: At the end of the race – stick around.

Oh – and the coolest of all possible things, at the start of the race, is to line up at the very start, and then when you hear the gun – sprint forward as fast as you can, and scream “I’m winning!” at the top of your lungs. It’s a classic. People love that.*

* Just Kidding. Don’t really do that. Or if you do – say it with me – make sure somebody gets it on film. Cuz that’d be really funny